I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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