remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
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This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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