They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
