tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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