It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
