The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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