Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
