you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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