NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
