yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize