I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
