Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize