i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
