you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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