I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
