Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
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God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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