I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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