Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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