When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
