I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
