Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
