dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm at about main and main street
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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