bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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