some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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