I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
