Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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