so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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