She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
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I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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