The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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