I could have mohawked her pubes.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
