did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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