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I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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