The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
