I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
