Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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