It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
