I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
