I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
