Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
