I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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