I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
