I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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