Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My life is pants optional.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
