Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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