U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
