When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
