It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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