when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
