yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
