sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
