I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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