just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
