My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
