do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
