well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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