I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
did i just pee glitter
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
