I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
