last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
