well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
