Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Are we still banned from the library?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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