No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
