guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
