I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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