I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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