You're my little dorito
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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