haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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